09 April 2014

Can't even come up with a title.

image via www.guides.wikinut.com

Dear God, This is getting old. I am tired of it. I am basically.. mad. I'm frustrated. I hate this. Why? I know that's a question you probably hear a million times a day, but today it is my turn. Why? Why me? This silence. I've heard it before. I know it. The isolation. Usually comes right before elevation. But I am tired of it. Why is it STILL my turn? My turn to be alone. Why don't I have somebody? I'm not even asking for a husband. Just a companion. A counterpart. A like minded male who I just gel with. Chris Brown is in Japan. Nate is in California. Then there's... "X". Well, I see what you did there. That's a whole other thing. Why did you "give" him to me then snatch him away? What was that? I feel that he wasn't really what you had for me, but for real? The dangling? The introduction to that good feeling then.. nothing. What the heck is that about? Like I'm getting real angry right now. I don't know what my anger means. I don't know if it means I'm trying to bargain with you; giving you an ultimatum? How do you give God an ultimatum? I don't know what all of this means. But I know that I'm fed up. I'm exhausted. And I'm tired. Family is good; friends are a great place of normalcy for me right now. But there is NOTHING in the world like the touch of a man. NOTHING. Their physical touch. Their mental touch. Their emotional touch. What on this earth can compare? Not a darn thing. You put me on this earth. You created these "great" feelings. And I can't even feel 'em. I'm so mad right now. Like, I really want to punch something. Okay. I guess this means you want to "take me somewhere". A deeper depth and a higher height. You want my attention. You want my submission. I get it. But I'm so doggone distracted. I mean, I live here on this earth. In the natural. Sure, you're "here" with me, but you're not HERE with me. I can't feel you hold the small of my back. I can't feel you playfully hit me when we're joking around. I can't feel you kiss me. All the things I could feel with "X". I got those things for a moment, then null. Whatever, man. You win. You've got me. You've got all of me. There's no one else to take it. You've got me. The silence that I've heard before during that isolated period. It's there again. I hear it. Alone on a Friday night. I am a fun, good looking, smart, well rounded, funny 28 year old female who is probably going to spend another Friday night all alone. Sure I like being by myself at times. You know that. Indeed I am an introvert. But, God, all the time?? All the friends you gave me have kids or a significant other or family around to offer them.. something. Me? What do I have? I have you. It's just me and you. I should love that, huh? I should be grateful. God I have never even shaken your hand. I feel you in my spirit. But I'm not just a spirit. I have a body. YOU MADE IT! And you said man should not be alone which is why females are even here to begin with. So what's your deal with me? Huh? Single for 6 years?!? Me? Why? Sure, about half of that time it was by choice, but I mean, come on! In all that time, there was no one to come along and offer me companionship? I mean, I got it, here and there (i.e. Nate), but it was only temporary. Me and Nate were, what? Maybe a half year. At best. Like, what is your deal here? I'm tired of it. I am trying to hold on. I really am. But this silence, though. I can't stand it. Your will, huh? I suppose. I've got more to say but I'm at work right now.. and I probably should stop. I do know one thing though. I'm tired of slapping on this smile.

image via www.weheartit.com

The above "letter" I wrote some time last year. 
In the moment. My true feelings. While at work. 
I was MAAAAD! And boy was I letting that keyboard have it!

I saved the letter. Not sure if for me. Or for you. Maybe for both of us.
I'm glad I did.

I shared it with my friend Audrey as well as Erica and I think my friend Michelle.
Audrey responded with the truest words EVER!
She said, 

Keep being honest with God. He can take it.
I honestly can't say it gets better. Eventually it just.. changes. Either the situation changes or the way you view it changes.  

Ah! The exact words I needed at the exact time.
Thanks, Dree!
Basically, keep living and keep trusting God.

Now this isn't how I'm feeling now. Which is why I am able to go back and read it and share it with you guys without getting angry all over again.
Healing took place. And eventually, it changed.

Anywho, I just wanted to share those words with you all. 
To let you know that even though I am a Christian, and believe that all things work out for my BEST
I am human. I feel things. I get discouraged.
No one is immune to that. 
Just don't stay there.
Don't ever stay there.

Be encouraged my friends!
NOTHING lasts forever!


*Disclaimer: For inquiring minds, I was never romantically involved with either of the guys named in this letter. They were both only ever platonic friends. I was simply saying I missed male companionship.

Sirens Imaging Spring Trends Fashion Show 2014.

First things first, thanks so much to my friends Courtney and Ashley who came out to support!
Also Jessica, not pictured, and Erica taking the picture.

Thanks soooooo much, Erica for photographing this event for me!!!

*Disclaimer: Erica wasn't able to photograph all of the lines showcased. But I'm happy with what she got.

I've referenced this show so much in the last couple of weeks.
So without further ado..

Run N'Chase
Instagram: @runnchase

The doll on the left, although I didn't have any really clear shots of her, was my supposed twin.
tlsg always looking like somebody.

Just Peachey
Instagram: @msjustpeachey

Heeeeey! That's ME!

Instagram: @idesignclothes

This little lady above was the absolute sweetest!
Thanks so much for giving me that extra TLC and putting me at ease.

This gem here, with the half shaven head, was my absolute favorite model of the show.
*My close friends know I have a slight "obsession" with #PrettyBrownGirls. 
And? What?!

Now back to the show..

"Black and Gold" by Sam Sparro, played while Alek Risimnic's line was being shown. I'd never heard the song before, but it was so catchy and went perfectly with his designs.
Kinda got stuck in my head so I'm taking a minute to share it with you guys.

*Bet you'll be walking around the house singing..
"Black and gold, black and gold, black and gold.."

BeastMode Fitness
Instagram: @beastmodesav

..and "The Beast" himself!

I think the following pictures were from "Jewelry Box".
Not sure though.
And no contact info.
Bad journalism, I know. My "b".

And the final walk through. Aaaah!
My first (and probably last) fashion show done!
Yaaaay! Go me!
I had a really good time!

Me and the girls after the show.

Meet Sandria!

Born in the south. Raised in the south. Ready to see where this world takes me.