"And ye murmured in your tents, and said, Because the Lord hated us, he hath brought us forth out of the land of Egypt, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us."
-Deuteronomy 1:27 KJV






This text comes after the deliverance of the children of Israel out of Egypt and from under the rule and bondage of Pharaoh. Being ruled by a tyrannical king is not something that anyone of us could probably readily relate to, so to put it in layman's terms, this text comes after God has delivered you out of a bad relationship, a dead end job, a body harming habit, etc. These are places that aren't any good for us. Places that are detrimental to our bodies, our minds, and our spiritual growth. Places that we say everyday that we wish we could be free of. But at the same time, these are the places that we have gotten so comfortable and so familiar with that they are all we know. And to have it all snatched away? Well, it must be because God hates us.



Why would someone say that? Why would someone believe that? I can speak for myself. One of my greatest strengths and most damning traits was my need to analyze EVERYTHING that concerned me. I am such a logical person. Everything had to have a logical answer if it was to be in my life. I wanted to know the "why" of my situation; the "who" in my life; the "when" of my journey; the "how" of the resolution, etc, etc. I wanted to know what was going on in order to be able to accept it. If it didn't make sense in my mind, then either I got frustrated and upset about it or I spent more time than necessary trying to come up with the answer. If I still couldn't come up with the answer, I'd just tell myself that the situation was wrong and not of God. There. I now had the answer. But in all actuality, the wrong answer.

I remember one of the first books I (began to) read when I chose to let God lead my life. It was "Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind" by Joyce Meyer. I didn't finish the book, but so much of it spoke directly to me. A few excerpts that made me say "Woooow",

"You and I can ponder a thing in our heart, we can hold it before the Lord and see if He desires to give us understanding, but the minute we start feeling confused, we have gone too far."

"Reasoning is dangerous for many reasons, but one of them is this: we can reason and figure something out that seems to make sense to us. But what we have reasoned to be correct may still be incorrect." 

"Reasoning is one of the "busy activities" in which the mind engages that prevents discernment and revelation knowledge. There is a big difference in head knowledge and revelation knowledge." 

Reading those lines in the book (and even now re-reading them as I type) felt like someone just smacked me upside the head. "Ouch!" Truth hurts sometimes. This truth corrected me. Told me that all I thought to be right was the opposite of right. All of my reasoning, and logistics of reality was stunting my faith and thereby my growth. When we reason something down to the very core of what it is and place our belief there, we hinder God from being able to be God. I'll use the illustration of Peter walking on the water. A very familiar passage,

"But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted". 
-Matthew 14:30 NLT

That's how I was. If Jesus himself had told me to step out of the boat and start walking on the sea, I would have used all of my knowledge and all of my smarts and begun reasoning, "Okay, I learned about water in chemistry class. I know it is comprised of one oxygen atom and two hydrogen atoms. Its chemical formula is H2O and it can exist in either a solid (ice), liquid (water), or gas (steam) state. If it was in a solid state, I would be able to walk on it over to Jesus. Since it is in its liquid state, there is absolutely, positively no way I can walk on it. The properties of H2O in its liquid don't allow this. It has been scientifically proven. I will stay in the boat and let the boat take me over to Jesus or I will wait until the water turns to ice and then I'll walk over. But surely Jesus knows that it doesn't make sense for me to come over now so I just won't. And with that wind blowing like that? No way. It doesn't make sense."

"But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him..."
-1 Corinthians 2:14 KJV



Now, you may say, what does all of this have to do with God hating me. Well, correlating my situation with the children of Israel, we were both in bondage. Them in bondage for 400 years under the rule of Pharaoh; me in bondage for 20 something odd years in my mind. The children of Israel had gotten used to being a slave to Pharaoh. I wouldn't say they enjoyed it. I'm sure they would have preferred a better life. But.. it was stable. It was what they knew. Work all day, eat at night, and do it all over again the next day. Besides, they'd done it for 400 years. Why change now? To take them to a so called "better place"? A place with milk and honey? They were already eating. Why change? They were in bondage.

Me? I'd gotten a college degree, a car, my own place of residency, survived and avoided potential heartbreak, and given my life to Christ all on my own reasoning and logical behavior (so I thought). Done it for 20 something years. Why change now? I was in bondage.

When I realized that in order for me to "receive the things of the Spirit of God" I would have to do away with my mental bondage that I'd been in for all these years, my first reaction was, "Surely not!" I'm a thinker. I'm an analytical person. When it comes down to things concerning me, I make lists of pros and cons before I move and you expect me to.. to just abandon that? You expect me to NOT put 2 and 2 together and come up with 4? You expect me to let go of all that has made sense in my life in the past and... just trust you? I can't even see you!!! It doesn't make any sense!

"The Lord must hate me, he hath brought me out of my comfort zone of reasoning and making decisions for myself to deliver me into a place where my strength is useless."
-Dueteronomy 1:27 The Sandria Version




My day of awakening. God taking me out of the place that I was so used to, a place that I was so comfortable in, in order for him to show himself as God was not because he hated me. It was because he loves me. And he loves me just because he does. Not because of something I did or didn't do. He loves me because he loves me. And that is what we must remind ourselves. God constantly told the children of Israel to not forget this in Dueteronomy 8:11-20. Please do read at your leisure.



I'll leave you with this. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6. Stand on that. Let that become your truth. And know that when God takes you out of the place you have grown so accustomed to and leads you to somewhere that you aren't exactly sure of, it's not because he hates you. It's because he loves you just that much more.

Selah.





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